what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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