the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
