No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize