So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
