Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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