my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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