First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
