It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So vagazzling was a success
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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