call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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