Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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