i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
