I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
