what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
