all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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