i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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