I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my shit smells like andre
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize