Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
