I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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