Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
