Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
