i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
