i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
