you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
