Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
