Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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