she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She even gives head with a lisp.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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