I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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