Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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