sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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