just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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