Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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