Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
