At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
