My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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