so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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