I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
