Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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