New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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