do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
