how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
