Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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