is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize