I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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