If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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