We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
