thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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