I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
