who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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