I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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