i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
