no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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