i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
