can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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