i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
