im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
